Dear wendy online dating

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Put that damn book down,” Duval demands.“Tell me she ain’t pretty,” Charlamagne pushes. That nigga doing his thing….ain’t finna get me.”The hosts laugh after using my image as a literal prop — just days after I was a guest on the same show — for laughs, vitriol, and a deeper call and justification for violence.

Just so we are all clear: On a black program that often advocates for the safety and lives of black people, its hosts laughed as their guest advocated for the murder of black trans women who are !

Though I have not been able to watch the video of my interview (I have already experienced it and won’t be doing so again), I’m proud of the labor I put forth, and I’m grateful to Yee for her preparation and effort to steer the conversation away from the particulars of my body and instead toward my work.

The interview was what it was, and I refuse to re-experience being asked about my vagina in such blatant, irrelevant, and sensational ways.

The “I’d kill a woman if I found out” rhetoric is precisely why so many women hold themselves so tight — the stigma and shame attached to our desires need to be abolished.

We must navigate difficult conversations about desire and identity, about the fact that trans girls exist, and for as long as we’ve existed we’ve been desired by men (including high-profile ones who won’t ever own their desires) who are not working toward gaining the tools to deal with their attraction.

My ultimate goal was to be accessible — to not judge, to call in rather than call out, and, above all, to exercise patience as the (straight cis male) hosts processed my existence.

Yet I also know that black and Latina trans women often live in communities of color, so outreach to viewers of color, from , which is about the years in my life I decided to keep my trans-ness private — largely in order to gain access and maintain my safety.It’s this deplorable rhetoric that leads many cis men, desperately clutching their heterosexuality, to yell at, kick, spit on, shoot, burn, stone, and kill trans women of color.It’s something I’ve written about extensively and even explored in my conversation with actress Amiyah Scott, who lost her sister Chyna Gibson when she was shot to death in New Orleans in February. There have been at least 15 reported deaths of trans women of color so far this year, according to GLAAD.These years coincided with my 20s, when I navigated college, graduate school, and my early media career.The interview aired on radio stations across the country (edited and condensed) and in its entirety on You Tube a week later.

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